hiatus: terminated

It's been a few months since I've written anything. In this time I have learned how to live comfortably in hospitals,  I've become wayyy more comfortable with blood and other scary bodily functions than is necessary, and I can talk like a seasoned doctor who has been practicing for 30 years.

 I didn't want to preserve or remember what I was going through. I absolutely wanted to forget it. The pain of seeing your dad and family, go through a devastating accident is beyond overwhelming.

It's very strange and surreal how your body keeps on going in extremely difficult times like these. People have told us "You're so strong and brave, we don't know how you do it" but I think that it's a natural human instinct to keep on surviving. I think everyone would do what we are doing, because, we aren't doing much, just going through it, and keep on living. And you DON'T know how you do it. But I think that's when your body kind of goes into autopilot. And even though this is a very complicated and disastrous event in your life, somehow the rest of your life gets very simple: you eat whatever you want whenever you want. You cry whenever you want where ever you want as hard as you want for as long as you want. You really see who your true friends are, even family members can weed themselves out during times like these, the ones that will stand by you and really help you vs the ones who don't. And the people who do falter, you just let go of them with no problem. You have no energy or care to bother with them anymore. You sleep so hard you don't dream. Your priorities really line up in times like these. And I mean like basic life survival priorities. It's like life gets really condensed and all the bullshit is boiled off and whats left is really pure and basic. Elemental life.

Now, I'm settled a bit more. Living with my mom in my hometown, Los Gatos. Actually working on my architecture portfolio (and making good progress! Though it is truly AMAZING how SLOWLY these things come together, sometimes it's so daunting, and other times, really inspiring.) I'm applying for (non architecture) jobs and have started interviewing to stay busy and entertained and productive (until the portfolio is finished I can't start actively applying and interviewing for architecture jobs. The portfolio is crucial.)

Tangent: I really like job interviews they're so exciting.

I've been making a LOT of things, mostly accessories. Making things is one of my most favorite things to do in the entire world. It's so rewarding to physically see how productive you can be! Making things is up there on my list along with laughing, eating, and traveling...those are definitely my four #1 most favorite things to do in the world. They're tied.

Tangent: JUST discovered the TV show PICKER SISTERS yesterday (I know, stupid name, also, ignore the trailer, the "sisters" are kind of annoying, also they are not really sisters)...BUT, I don't even know how to explain how excited I was. BECAUSE the show is about using recycled/second hand "garbage" and redesigning it/reworking it into amazing beautiful unique furniture!! If you are creative, like design, and making things, watch this show. But maybe buy some adult diapers first because you will probably lose bladder control.

Tangent: Cousin is getting married and I made her a flower/veil head piece and I finally finished it last night!

After some of the dust settles and you start getting used to the concept of what your life is now, start getting accustomed to your new schedule, you start desiring things from your life pre-devastating accident. For me it was to hang out with people my age and going out, at first I didn't necessarily want to hang out with my friends,  I didn't want people who knew me before to see me in that state. But after some time, I became comfortable with myself again and my situation, and started spending more time with some really solid friends who stood by me and I felt comfortable being completely vulnerable and volatile around and I knew they would get it  too.

Just recently, my desire for a job has been burning pretty intensely. I crave being an active and participating member of society. I want to do work and be rewarded. I'm 24 for god's sake, I want to be a professional, I want to get my career going. I'm so impatient, and eager, I understand this is going to take a while but I'm not happy about it.

As my life is taking shape again, I'm realizing that there will probably be less international travel than I would like on the horizon {though I fully plan on keeping my new years resolution from back in 2005 to leave the USA at least once a year} mostly because I don't have too much money or a job, and when I do get a job, that will definitely anchor me down, and also because of my family, I just don't feel like being away from them very much these days. But, travel is an essential part of my existence. My wanderlust is unquenchable, if you will. So how is this going to work out? In 2010 the Unites States had 59.3 million international tourists. 59.3 million people came to see my homeland? And I have hardly traveled it? what's wrong with me!? I haven't even been to our nation's CAPITAL! I'm realizing, I can take advantage of my time "stuck" in America, and I can stop calling it "stuck" and start seeing it as an opportunity to travel, and this era will be called "The epoch of AMERITRAVELS".

Ameritravel #1 Pacific Northwest Tour- Start date: Saturday, August 20 End date: Saturday, August 27


Ameritravels Menu: 
Santa Barbara, CA {Definitely this fall to visit my good friend Mike from arch school}
Austin, Tx {I have a free flight, and it's either taking me to Austin with Ashley...}
Washington DC {Or that free flight will take me to DC to visit Jackie}
Boston, MA {Maybe while I'm in DC I can visit Megan in Boston}
Las Vegas, NV{most likely will happen for/on/around my birthday}
Chicago, IL
Denver, CO
and Miami, FL

Not sure exactly when these are going to happen or in what order, but presuming I will have a job with a strict work schedule, these are the federal holidays I have to work with:

Monday, September 5, 2011 LABOR DAY
Monday, October 10 COLUMBUS DAY
Friday, November 11 VETERANS DAY
Thursday, November 24 THANKS GIVING DAY
Monday, December 26 CHRISTMAS DAY
Monday, January 2, 2010 NEW YEAR'S DAY
Monday, January 16 MLK JR BIRTHDAY
Monday, February 20 WASHINGTON'S BIRTHDAY
Monday, May 28 MEMORIAL DAY
Wednesday July 4 INDEPENDENCE DAY
Monday, September 3 LABOR DAY

Ready, set, go!

fitting in

Trish lives in what I would call the "arab quarter" of Oslo. Lots of brown immigrants. So I fit in great...
One plus of living in this area is having a lot of delicious food around me. I can smell curry from the sidewalk in front of her house. I should go eat some if its not over 10 euro (which it probably will be considering how ridiculously expensive it is here.) I might just have to settle for some muesli (granola).

so i wore 2 layers of wool socks today, i found long johns that a havent taken off for over a day now. i wore 6 layers on top (including my fleece and coat, and leggings over the long johns, gloves, 2 scarves (one thin, and one giant one over it, and a beanie. i could hardly move.

bundled up

I went to watch the sunrise today, and i trespassed on the opera house (dont know why there were no respassing signs, i thought it was allowed so i ignored them) and i got there late, becuse it was broad daylight, but i still couldnt see the sun because 1. it was mostly cloudy and 2. it was coming up from behind a MOUNTAIN...so i waited for an hour and the sun was being really slow, and i never saw it come out from behind the mountain so it was a bit anti climactic. now i am going to go eat something and then go to the munch museum.

opera house

frozen ocean

this reminds me of one of my enclosures projects from arch. school

oslo and the opera house

the sun was supposed to come up over the mountain on the right

cozy in the snow

glass sculpture that looks like an ice berg

snow

oslo

more frozen ocean water

perfume and freezing nostrils

it reminds me of my mom.  i discovered it when I was in salamanca i believe, and now when I'm waiting in the airports i go  in the duty free stores and go straight for it.

on a more {generally} relevant/important note: the inside of my nose froze tonight when I was walking to catch the bus. a new sensation I suppose i'll have to get used to. oh another new sensation: your face hurting from the cold. I also cant wear glasses in this weather because they will inevitably steam up and then freeze . also, wearing glasses, because its metal, make your face feel much colder than it actually is. I feel like i understand my parents more in just having come to norway. My parents lived in Minnesota for 8 or 9 years when they first moved to america. They were living in temperatures similar to what I am experiencing now. (but it gets darker in oslo faster)

thats all for now!
x

$$$$$$$$$

HOLY GOD norway is EXPENSIVE!!!!!
i just realized what all these prices are:
190 NOK (what i just spent on an 8 ride metro pass)=31 dollars?!?!?!?!
(also, apparently I spent 170  getting from the airport to the central train station)
600 NOK which is what i'm told to take a taxi to get to the girl's house to have dinner is 100 dollars
and 1500 NOK whcih i just took out of the bank is really 251 us dollars....
so far ive spent 60 dollars and just on transport....thank god i dont have to pay for lodging here...and i brought food!

I made friends with the viking's daughter!

eee!!!! i'm so excited! ive never been so up far north in the world before!!
ok so it IS VERY cold here, but not as scary as i thought! oh! and Siri (viking's daughter) was sitting next to me on the plane! amazing! so i made friends with her and turns out she was just studying abroad in BERKELEY for a semesterrrrr!!!!! and she was returning home to oslo after about 3 or 4 months. she was really nice and i got her email after my pen exploded all over her hands (2nd pen to explode between madrid and oslo) and maybe we'll hang out in oslo while i'm here!!! it was weird i couldnt beleive how close she was to my home and she had JUST arrived in europe...in schipol...where i was...and 7 hours before she was in sf it just blew my mind. i wanted to reach out and touch her arm or something because i felt like then i'd be closer to california or something bizarre it really was very crazy for me to think that she PROBABLY passed by keon on the streets of sf and then here i was sitting next to her. im actually still blowing my mind just thinking about it.

anyway i got to the airport, and got my giGANTIC back pack and my messenger bag (carry on) and was ridiculously bundled up with a 4 layers then a northface fleece then a wool jacket from mango and a huge scarf and gloves and pants with tights and leggings and ski socks and my boots. and then i proceeded to walk a kilometer in the snow (up-hil,l both ways..haha..jk) and my boots were totaly inappropriate! i almost slipped 100 times. but even if i did fall, my back pack would have broken my fall and nothing would have happened anyway. there were a lot of men who apparently are immigrants and dont celebrate christmas and like to hang around scaring little girls (me) by making creepy sounds and walking towards them in the dark (the sun set at 3:30)  around but i was fine. (oh also they have like 1 hour of sun here now...not 5) because there were enough non scary people around too. anyway i go to the 7-11 next door to trish's apartment and i tell them "i'm shayan and i'm here to pick up the keys" (actually i presented the lady with a piece of paper that trish had told me to print out that said that in norwegian) and the (indian) lady presented me with the lovely keys and i entered the iron gate, and took a left and went through the door and up 3 flights of stairs and entered the door with the stickers on it into the apartment, and entered the room directly across the entrance door and BAM!!THERE I WAS! standing in Trish's room in OSLO!! surreal.

now I am about to change real quick and go to Trish's frien (marianne's) house for a vegan/raw food christmas dinner! i'm so excited!!!
MERRY CHRISTMAS everyone!!!! i love you!

boarding!

about to board for OSLO!!!!! EEEEE!!! EXCITED/NERVOUS!!
there are people dressed in SKI CLOTHES and wearing really scary boots.
but theres also this girl wearing all black and what looks like leggings and super high heels. so i'm sure what i'm wearing is ok? but then again she looks SUPER aryan/nordic. her dads probably a viking and shes a native from the north pole, so she probably thinks its hot right now in amsterdam...see you in norwayyyyy!!

getting my sass back

Aretha Franklin. A pretty sassy lady.

When speaking English, I'd say I'm pretty sassy. Well, I'm sassy because that's just how my personality is {not afraid of confrontation or saying exactly whats on my mind, calling people out etc} but I can best express that when speaking English because I have a strong command of the language, and can pick my words perfectly with the exact amount of sarcasm or with whatever connotation I want. I know how to emphasize words effectively to get the message I want across perfectly.

In Spanish, this has not been possible for the past few months. I can survive with my Spanish, I can converse with people, talk about pretty profound things {though not as eloquently as I can in English}, I could even make a few jokes, but my sassyness was not able to be expressed. Because of my lack of understanding of words and all their connotations, my accent and inability to fully pronounce or emphasize words perfectly, I could never be sure if what I was saying was blatantly rude, or just didnt make sense. And when you're being sassy you don't have that leeway to mess it up. Because, then you just look like an idiot, frankly.

But the other day in Salamanca I experienced my first Spanish Sass and it happened without me even thinking about it!!! exciting!!!! here's what happened:
Carolina and I had gotten on a bus at 8:30 am in Madrid, and were supposed to arrive to Salamanca at 11:30. The bus was an hour and a half late arriving to Salamanca. Everyone unloaded from the bus very quickly {Spaniards have the most random sense of urgency sometimes, I'll write about that later though} Carolina and I each had a back pack and a purse. I also had my pillow {of course} that I had to roll up and stuff in my bag. Carolina couldn't find one of her gloves, So we were looking under the seats for them and gathering our things {grand total of time we were on the bus after everyone unloaded approx: 1 min 30 sec} when suddenly the bus driver {who had been leisurely smoking a cigarette and chatting with his fellow bus driver friend who had stepped onto the bus} rudely yells at us "CHICAS!!! DALE! MARALABARDALDIANDA {my version of unintelligible spanish mumble-yelling}" this was coming from the man who was 1.5 hours late bringing me to my weekend vacation. "Bale." we politely answered. Carolina found her glove. I slung my back pack over my shoulder and walked down the narrow isle towards the grump at the end. As I passed by him, I nonchalantly said over my shoulder "¿tienes prisa?" and skipped down the stairs exiting the bus.  "Tienes prisa?" is Spanish for   "are you in a rush?".  Naturally, the comment set the driver off  and he proceeded to bark back something about actually having a job and needing to work. We didn't catch all of it because we had already begun our vacation at that point.

Carolina and I had a very good laugh over it, about what a jerk he was,  how I didnt even think about it, how it just jumped off of my tongue,  and how perfect the statement was...

*          *          *          *          *          *

Tonight after dinner, my friends and I stopped at one of the many Christmas markets in the plazas of Madrid. Kati was buying 3 or 4 things from one {lucky} stall. She asked the guy if he'd give her a discount since she was buying so many things "no puedo, solo soy trabajador, no soy dueño" [ I can't i'm just a worker, I'm not the owner]...fine. after a couple minutes of Kati finalizing her decisions the man says "chicas estamos cerados, vuelven mañana" [girls, we're closed, come back tomorrow]...to which i replied "pero esta lista, quiere pagar!" [but she's ready she wants to pay!]  "no, estamos cerado" [no, we're closed]...this is unbelievable, we're standing here, merchandise in hand, money in the other hand, ready to pay and he wants to kick us out??...suddenly it slipped: "QUE TIPO DE TRABAJADOR ERES?!" [what kind of worker are you??]...he looked at us and rung Kati up. We walked away giggling.

I'm very excited to see my sass coming back, and in Spanish!! I had missed her.

barcelona

That was an intense trip.

Let me start by saying that Alba's house has no heating...

Secondly, Alba had 2 other friends who were visiting her while I was there too. Alba's room mates are not the nicest people. There was the Swedish girl who we just called "la sweca" (the Swede) who didn't allow anyone to sleep on the couch. (not sure why but I imagine it might be because she wanted to leave the common spaces as common spaces and not turned into bedrooms for transients. but I mean, come on, its just a few days...brat) and then there was the English couple who Alba said was nice, but then I realised she only thought that because her English is bad and she wasn't really understanding what the English people were saying. They were HORRIBLE. I still get a knot in my stomach when I think about them.

Alba's 2 visiting friends were Carol(ina) and Antonio. They were super nice and I'm glad I met them. They are both based out of Madrid so that means I have more friends in Madrid now.

The first night Carol and I slept in Alba's bed and Alba and Antonio slept at another friends house (Christina) because the 3 of them stayed out really late.

The second night we all stayed out until 9AM and I just ended up crashing on the couch until 4 pm

The third night I slept on Albas floor.

The fourth and fifth night I came home to find Antonio and Alba (just friends) sleeping in the bed. I was fine sleeping on the floor but they insisted i sleep in the bed too. so there were 3 of us in 1 bed.

BASICALLY I didnt sleep much in Barcelona. (mom please dont send me an e-mail telling me to get sleep and take care of myself because generally i DO, just Barcelona was a different situation)

The first 2 or 3 days I just hung out with the Spaniards, and MAN did my Spanish improve in those days!! it was super intense. It takes so much energy at first to only listen and speak in Spanish. I really need to only hang out with Spanish speakers in Madrid. Too bad most of my friends here are American... Since the Spaniards all already had been to barcelona a bunch of times, they didnt want to do all the touristy stuff. So we did a bunch of local things which i'm greatful for. The language barrier makes saying what you want politely difficult. so after just saying what i wanted to do one time. I'd stop because I didnt want to seem rude or bossy or selfish or etc etc to Alba who was so kind to let me stay at her house (after only having met her once in madrid) and I was really so thankful for that. by the end of the 3rd day my american friends from madrid had arrived to barcelona. I was really excited to just speak a little english with them and relax and be a tourist. we went to (my favorite architect) Antoni Gaudí's magnum opus,  Sagrada Familia , as well as his Parque Güell. Those were the two things I was most looking forward to seeing (again- because I saw them 3 years ago when I was in Spain too).

Barcelona is a gorgeous city, but its not very Spanish. The people there don't even really call themselves Spanish, they say they are Catalan, and they speak Catalan (which is very similar to Spanish, and they speak Spanish as well) Generally, they want independence from Spain. The people are NOT friendly there. Unlike Madrid where you can make friends anytime anywhere. In general, I concluded that If I were Spanish, I'd probably want to live in Barcelona. But as an American wanting a Spanish experience I'm so glad I am in Madrid where people speak Spanish, ARE Spanish (from all different parts of Spain) and are friendly too! I LOVE MADRID! Its funny, every time I'm away from Madrid, I miss it. Its always so fun to come back to it :)

Next time you're in Barcelona, looking for a healthy place to eat (because sometimes you just are hasta los juevos from eating so much bread and ham and cheese and beer) check out these places:

maoz-This is a chain vegan falafel joint where you can fill your pita up with as may toppings AS MANY TIMES AS YOU WANT!!

juicy jones- You will get a seizure when you walk into here but it will feel really really good. Every inch of wall and ceiling is covered with every color of paint imaginable. The colorful menu consists of some really healthy really rich smoothies and their food list is too vast to try and explain so just go there and be healthy and happy!

woki market- Asian fusion food. you pick your noodles, toppings, and sauce. lots of vegetables and lots of smiles :)

ok thats all for now, im going to go attack the christmas market that has opened across the street from my flat!!!

hiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's been SO LONG! I APOLOGIZE. I haven't had internet forever and getting to a computer with internet is not only an oddessey in itself, but then they are slow, dont have webcams or mics, AND have lingering phone house workers who try to shoo me away. So I get internet on december 1st!!!! And im excited.

I just returned from holland yesterday. And I LOVED IT. As usual. Its' so gorgeous. There is something SO romantic about Europe during the wintertime. I'm beginning to love freezing weather. I really like bundling up in heavy coats, ear muffs, hats, wool scarves mittens, boots...eating oliebollen...(oil balls) haha. They're really good. Especially with raisins. Which I normally hate.

I LOVED Utrecht. I requested that we go there because I remember learning about the treaty of Utrecht in history. Utrecht was lovely. I adored it. I really want to go back and explore it more. I can't wait for Keon to come to visit me, I will CERTAINLY take her to The Netherlands for a fun time  in amsterdam and a weekend with the family :)

Ok THE MAIN POINT OF THIS POST IS THAT ITS SNOWING SO HARD OUTSIDE I'M ABOUT TO PEE IN MY PANTS!!!!!!!!!!!!EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! Ok, I would call whats happening right now a blizzard. But my friend from Maryland just laughed at me and said that this is infact NOT a blizzard, its a flurry. I think a flurry is equal to "sprinkling" in rain terms. But I take this snow pretty seriously. And apparently, so do the children. AND I JUST GOT PAYED TODAY. AND mom and dad are transfering money in my account (the sooner the better) so I can buy my christmas gift. UGGS. I know, who am I? I just am freezing here in Madrid. And Im afraid of Norway and I think the UGGS will help. So I'm excited.

Also, I'm just excited that I live in Madrid. I had so much fun in The Netherlands but I MISSED Madrid while I was away! And I really enjoy saying " I'm going home...to Madrid(!!!!!)" Tt was so nice coming home and collapsing in my cute bed in my cute room that I love so much. And I am just so SO happy. Being here. For a long long time. In Madrid :) Now i am going to walk through the blizzard to deposit my money which I just received today :) pay day AND snow... in Madrid...does it GET BETTER THAN THIS??

LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!

still no internet

starting to feel violent about the whole thing. Its ridiculous the sequence of events that have left me without internet for nearly 3 weeks... on a brighter note, I had SUCH a good time though this weekend that i just had to write about it:

This weekend I went to Chatel, France (a tiny village in the French Alps just outside Geneva). I stayed in an ADORABLE chalet with my dear dear cousin Asal, and 14 of her friends to celebrate her 30th birthday!! I love Asal! And all her friends! She and I are so similar and its ridiculous because we have probably seen each other less than 10 times in our lives. And live across the world from each other and still have so much in common. We just saw each other and it felt like we were best friends since birth. Her friends are all amazing, smart, lovely, FUNNY people. You know how I am about people who make me laugh. We spent all weekend just laughing, drinking, and eating (delicious food). It felt like a dream, and EVERYONE was depressed when it was over and we had to return to reality. I was an idiot and hardly took pictures, so I need to get people to send me some. I'd say my highlight of the weekend was the giant loaf of bread that was taller than me (and wider)...and probably heavier. Ok another highlight was the cheese fondue...

to summarize though, i love asal, to PIECES. i cant wait to see her again. i love being so close to family here, just being able to pick up and visit them for the weekend. this is a luxury i never was able to do growing up in the unites states, isolated from everyone, so i'm really really enjoying it now.
x