why?

why do i feel anxious?

tomorrow i retrieve my bank card AND i get my internet. tomorrow is December 1. i´m interpreting this omen to mean that december will be an excellent month. i will also infer that that means that i will be successful in seeing the northern lights when i go to Norway.

think i´m going to barcelona for the 6 day weekend.
xo

cobblestone reminder

sometimes, ill be walking, and i wont be paying attention to anything. then i look down and realize i´m walking on cobble stone...and then i get really excited because i remember im in Spain!!!

hiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's been SO LONG! I APOLOGIZE. I haven't had internet forever and getting to a computer with internet is not only an oddessey in itself, but then they are slow, dont have webcams or mics, AND have lingering phone house workers who try to shoo me away. So I get internet on december 1st!!!! And im excited.

I just returned from holland yesterday. And I LOVED IT. As usual. Its' so gorgeous. There is something SO romantic about Europe during the wintertime. I'm beginning to love freezing weather. I really like bundling up in heavy coats, ear muffs, hats, wool scarves mittens, boots...eating oliebollen...(oil balls) haha. They're really good. Especially with raisins. Which I normally hate.

I LOVED Utrecht. I requested that we go there because I remember learning about the treaty of Utrecht in history. Utrecht was lovely. I adored it. I really want to go back and explore it more. I can't wait for Keon to come to visit me, I will CERTAINLY take her to The Netherlands for a fun time  in amsterdam and a weekend with the family :)

Ok THE MAIN POINT OF THIS POST IS THAT ITS SNOWING SO HARD OUTSIDE I'M ABOUT TO PEE IN MY PANTS!!!!!!!!!!!!EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! Ok, I would call whats happening right now a blizzard. But my friend from Maryland just laughed at me and said that this is infact NOT a blizzard, its a flurry. I think a flurry is equal to "sprinkling" in rain terms. But I take this snow pretty seriously. And apparently, so do the children. AND I JUST GOT PAYED TODAY. AND mom and dad are transfering money in my account (the sooner the better) so I can buy my christmas gift. UGGS. I know, who am I? I just am freezing here in Madrid. And Im afraid of Norway and I think the UGGS will help. So I'm excited.

Also, I'm just excited that I live in Madrid. I had so much fun in The Netherlands but I MISSED Madrid while I was away! And I really enjoy saying " I'm going home...to Madrid(!!!!!)" Tt was so nice coming home and collapsing in my cute bed in my cute room that I love so much. And I am just so SO happy. Being here. For a long long time. In Madrid :) Now i am going to walk through the blizzard to deposit my money which I just received today :) pay day AND snow... in Madrid...does it GET BETTER THAN THIS??

LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!

vegetable jubilee!

today i woke up at 6 for my NIE appointment. it took me a while to fully wake up because it was still dark outside. im a morning person, which means, when there's light im fully functional. even though 6 am is morning, its still dark. which means i operate at a much slower pace. I grabbed my passport, keys, phone, wallet, and went to the metro station. I had to take passport photos and luckily in metro stations they have photo booths where you can get the appropriate sized photos. 5 euro for 8 photos. i only needed 3 but that wasnt an option. the first booth was out of order, so i had to find another. luckily there was one nearby.  i got to the office by 8, my appointment was "at 8:30" turns out the office doesnt open until 9. spanish beaureocracy is so enfuriating.  so stood outside in the freezing with a bunch of americans also waiting to get in. I was thankful for my ipod but then ran into some friends who were there for the same thing. Was more thankful that they were there. They are so funny. they told me about this Hare Krishna center that provides GIANT vegetarian meals (all you can eat with dessert and a drink) for 5 euros everyday at 3. After i was finger printed, i came home and took a nap to make up for the hours i lost in the morning. then i woke up and continued decorating my room for a bit. its very cute. i love it :)  I then decided to set out to find the Hare Krishna center. My body was in desperate need of vegetables.I was feeling very solitary that day. i like doing things alone sometimes. i like not talking. and just BEING. i dont even think that much, i just AM.  IThe thought of walking around the city and feeding my body, alone, was delightful. I inevitably got lost for a while, tried asking for directions but no one knew where it was. I texted my spanish friend elena who works for reuters and she sent me the address. not far from where i was at all. i arrived at the center, and there were some people sitting at tables, i smelled patchouli incents which took me back to eugene, and made me significantly homesick for oregon. i could also hear people down stairs chanting "hare krishnaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

aa hare krishnaaaaaa, hare, hare hareeee, hare krishnaaaaaa" very beautiful music. it was entrancing to listen to. little symbols and a heavy drum, also something that sounded like an accordion (wishful thinking) but when i logically think about it, its probably some sort of indian string instrument.you have to remove your shoes when you enter the building. and it was very hot. so i awkwardly stood by the coat racks taking off my shoes and derobing several layers. i was a little nervous, but welcomed the feeling, its that feeling of slight discomfort in doing daily activities that is waht i enjoy most about traveling. even the smallest most simple tasks that you wouldnt think about at home become exciting little battles and victories.all the tables had someone sitting at them, so i had to ask someone if it was ok if i sat at his table. i got tongue tied. i hate that. all of a sudden my accent seemed so flagrant, i felt awkward. The word awkward doesnt exist in spanish, but the concept does. this is difficult for me because i often times find myself in awkward situations and dont know how to express it to people...i usually just end up saying it in english, which i think makes the situation even more awkward. i finally sat down. i was really curious and wanted to go downstairs but was worried i might be interrupting something that is not open to the public. so i just sat in the room with 3 yellow walls, one purple wall, and waynes coating, imagining what the function downstairs looked like: more incents, people sitting in a circle, holding hands swaying, singing, eyes closed (something reminiscent of avatars and ewa..haha). A man walked through the door and a man at the table next to me stood up beaming, they hugged for 40 seconds. i felt awkward again. were they gay? or are they just hare krishna people? they went downstairs...luckies...can i go downstairs too then? i opted not to. I studied the various hare krishna posters around trying to figure out what the belief system entails. looks like something related to buddhism...i still dont know. im going to do research because i would like to know more about the religious group that feeds me my weekly vegetables. (ya ive decided im going there weekly from now on, i need it) anyway i was really enjoying the music and not speaking when this fat german looking woman walked in. she had a smile on her face and said hello to the whole room when she entered. i thought she looked wise. she had short buzzed hair. but then she sat down and pulled plastic bags over her shoes rather than taking them off...whatever i thought...THEN... she pulls out her cellphone and starts calling Orange to complain about something about her phone bill. nevermind about the wisdom. i found it so annoying and distracting. she was so loud and it was ruining the music. then the music ended and a big group of normal looking people came up the stairs and lined up to pay for a food ticket. i followed. the normal looking people proceeded to behave normally. staying true to typical spanish behaviour: the couple infront of me made out voraciously. he had a comb over. she had a coldsore. some people had shaved heads except for a long pony tail in the back of the head. they also had facepaint and some were wearing hare krishna robes. maybe they were the musicians or the group leaders? i got the food and sat down on a cushion (people sit on cushions on the floor and eat) i feel like i am good at this from practice at iranian sofres since childhood. on my huge silver plate there was salad, lentils (I WAS SO EXCITED!!) and basmati rice and some sort of vegetable stew/curry with a large medly of vegetables that i was so thankful for. i have overdosed on ham in the past 2 months. a spherical dessert ball that was soaked in a sweet liquid, and a piece of seriously NOT white bread (i dont even know if it was wheat bread but it was very grainy and brown with a variety of things in it) it surprised me how delicious it was, i wished i had grabbed a bigger piece. i was about 25% through my meal when a man came and sat on a cushion in front of me with his back to me. i didnt really mind. sometimes i like not being noticed. he turned around and apologised for having his back to me. i said it was fine. then, throughout the course of the meal, he slowly ended up turning to face me. he spilled his dessert on him self and i offered my napkin. then he started talking to me...which was ok, but i wasnt in the mood. he was israeli and dutch. but had lived in israel for most of his life since he was born. had been in madrid for 7 years. the conversation was not that exciting, and was growing more and more personal. and when he asked for my name i took that as my queue to leave.  i kind of wanted a 2nd round of food, but i had yoga in an hour and didnt want to get sick. also, i didnt want to stick around and talk to him more. so i left. politely said good bye/see you later. though i secretly hope i don't see him again. I fear i will though because i know my shikamoo (gluttonous) habits will take me back to the Hare Krishna center every friday at 3. i might bring a friend next time. but i think i prefer to keep this as my alone time ritual. vegan indian food followed by bikrams yoga...a bit hippier than i normally am, but i like it.

still no internet

starting to feel violent about the whole thing. Its ridiculous the sequence of events that have left me without internet for nearly 3 weeks... on a brighter note, I had SUCH a good time though this weekend that i just had to write about it:

This weekend I went to Chatel, France (a tiny village in the French Alps just outside Geneva). I stayed in an ADORABLE chalet with my dear dear cousin Asal, and 14 of her friends to celebrate her 30th birthday!! I love Asal! And all her friends! She and I are so similar and its ridiculous because we have probably seen each other less than 10 times in our lives. And live across the world from each other and still have so much in common. We just saw each other and it felt like we were best friends since birth. Her friends are all amazing, smart, lovely, FUNNY people. You know how I am about people who make me laugh. We spent all weekend just laughing, drinking, and eating (delicious food). It felt like a dream, and EVERYONE was depressed when it was over and we had to return to reality. I was an idiot and hardly took pictures, so I need to get people to send me some. I'd say my highlight of the weekend was the giant loaf of bread that was taller than me (and wider)...and probably heavier. Ok another highlight was the cheese fondue...

to summarize though, i love asal, to PIECES. i cant wait to see her again. i love being so close to family here, just being able to pick up and visit them for the weekend. this is a luxury i never was able to do growing up in the unites states, isolated from everyone, so i'm really really enjoying it now.
x