nesting

well, I'm back. pretty permanently. All my international travels are over for a while. (though i do have my eyes set on london in july for my cousins birthday but who knows what will happen until then) So, I'm back in California, adjusting and settling. The annoying task of finding a job is upon me yet again. here's why i'm annoyed:
1. i had a great interview with an architecture firm before i went traveling for 5 weeks. THEY LOVED ME. and they wanted me to work for them. But, the position they were hiring for was a receptionist position. and they said they had some reservations about hiring me as a receptionist because they knew they'd train me and i'd soon be moving up to an architecture position and then they'd have to retrain someone new as the receptionist so they basically said " we have some projects we are hoping to get in the next few weeks, so lets see if we get those projects when you get back and we'll see if we can hire you because we need people at your level to do revit and etc" GREAT! i go, come back, and they are CUTTING THEIR STAFF 50% they say "youre at the top of our list especially because we dont have anyone at your level (entry level willing to do all the bitch work) but we just have to wait and see" EFF.

2. Cover Story is a little shabby chic interior design/home furnishings shop that opened in down own replacing the very same shop i worked at for two summers called Anteo. I wantered in  one day and they guy offered me a temp holiday job doing retail. i figured, since it was in my town, and since it was related to architecture, i could potentially meet people and it would be a nice way to just make some money and i can still look for architecture jobs. they said for me to get in touch when i get back from my travels.

so, i get back and i'm feeling really like i want to try and find an architecture job so i'm not sure if i want to contact them. but i do just to keep on bases covered. and the guy writes back saying "can you come in this week?" i decide to wait to respond because i'm HOPEFUL that maybe one of the other jobs will pull through. to be continued...

3. then out of NO WHERE my next door neighbor makes an introduction to this guy glenn for a potential "insider sales" position working at some tech company. i have no idea what that even really means, i feared telesales but wasnt sure, i was interested because i did minor in business.... so i email glenn, glenn forwards me to amie. amie emails me saying she wants a resume, i fix up the resume and send it. i dont hear back for 4 days. i follow up saying i'm still interested. she says she'll call tomorrow for a phone interview. she calls and we have the interview and its a great interview, EXCEPT THAT ITS A TELESALES JOB. NO THANK YOU! I'D RATHER BE UNEMPLOYED FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE THAN DO TELESALES. so thats out of the picture.

4. THEN my dads friend says he works below this engineer that hes told so much about me and he really wants to meet me. and he says ok call me so i can introduce you two. so i call and he never responds. then i email saying, hey why dont you just give me his email and i'll contact him directly (since its taking you forever to properly introduce me) so i just GO into his office and i have to wait a trillion years until he can take me upstairs to meet tom the engineer. (please remember that i majored in architecture not engineering anyway) so i'm hopeful that tom might have a job. so we go in and he didnt. nope. no he did not. instead he gave me names of other architecture firms (that are all probably not hiring either). FABULOUS.

2. continued: so, the architecture firm is cutting back 50 %,  i refuse to be a telesales person, tom the engineers has no jobs. so i respond to cover story and i say yes i can come in. and then he says for me to call. so i call and he says THEY DONT NEED HELP IN THE LOS GATOS STORE THEY NEED HELP IN THE FUCKING LOS ALTOS STORE! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!!! MY ENTIRE MINIMUM WAGE PIECE OF SHIT "INCOME" IS GOING TO GO TO MY FUCKING COMMUTE! so i'm desperate, and i take it. and now i'm just a grumpy girl. and no matter how i try and look at it, i'm just not that excited.

so now, i'm just pissed. and i do find it ironic that i basically have to cold call architecture firms until i can find a decent career job.

hiatus: terminated

It's been a few months since I've written anything. In this time I have learned how to live comfortably in hospitals,  I've become wayyy more comfortable with blood and other scary bodily functions than is necessary, and I can talk like a seasoned doctor who has been practicing for 30 years.

 I didn't want to preserve or remember what I was going through. I absolutely wanted to forget it. The pain of seeing your dad and family, go through a devastating accident is beyond overwhelming.

It's very strange and surreal how your body keeps on going in extremely difficult times like these. People have told us "You're so strong and brave, we don't know how you do it" but I think that it's a natural human instinct to keep on surviving. I think everyone would do what we are doing, because, we aren't doing much, just going through it, and keep on living. And you DON'T know how you do it. But I think that's when your body kind of goes into autopilot. And even though this is a very complicated and disastrous event in your life, somehow the rest of your life gets very simple: you eat whatever you want whenever you want. You cry whenever you want where ever you want as hard as you want for as long as you want. You really see who your true friends are, even family members can weed themselves out during times like these, the ones that will stand by you and really help you vs the ones who don't. And the people who do falter, you just let go of them with no problem. You have no energy or care to bother with them anymore. You sleep so hard you don't dream. Your priorities really line up in times like these. And I mean like basic life survival priorities. It's like life gets really condensed and all the bullshit is boiled off and whats left is really pure and basic. Elemental life.

Now, I'm settled a bit more. Living with my mom in my hometown, Los Gatos. Actually working on my architecture portfolio (and making good progress! Though it is truly AMAZING how SLOWLY these things come together, sometimes it's so daunting, and other times, really inspiring.) I'm applying for (non architecture) jobs and have started interviewing to stay busy and entertained and productive (until the portfolio is finished I can't start actively applying and interviewing for architecture jobs. The portfolio is crucial.)

Tangent: I really like job interviews they're so exciting.

I've been making a LOT of things, mostly accessories. Making things is one of my most favorite things to do in the entire world. It's so rewarding to physically see how productive you can be! Making things is up there on my list along with laughing, eating, and traveling...those are definitely my four #1 most favorite things to do in the world. They're tied.

Tangent: JUST discovered the TV show PICKER SISTERS yesterday (I know, stupid name, also, ignore the trailer, the "sisters" are kind of annoying, also they are not really sisters)...BUT, I don't even know how to explain how excited I was. BECAUSE the show is about using recycled/second hand "garbage" and redesigning it/reworking it into amazing beautiful unique furniture!! If you are creative, like design, and making things, watch this show. But maybe buy some adult diapers first because you will probably lose bladder control.

Tangent: Cousin is getting married and I made her a flower/veil head piece and I finally finished it last night!

After some of the dust settles and you start getting used to the concept of what your life is now, start getting accustomed to your new schedule, you start desiring things from your life pre-devastating accident. For me it was to hang out with people my age and going out, at first I didn't necessarily want to hang out with my friends,  I didn't want people who knew me before to see me in that state. But after some time, I became comfortable with myself again and my situation, and started spending more time with some really solid friends who stood by me and I felt comfortable being completely vulnerable and volatile around and I knew they would get it  too.

Just recently, my desire for a job has been burning pretty intensely. I crave being an active and participating member of society. I want to do work and be rewarded. I'm 24 for god's sake, I want to be a professional, I want to get my career going. I'm so impatient, and eager, I understand this is going to take a while but I'm not happy about it.

As my life is taking shape again, I'm realizing that there will probably be less international travel than I would like on the horizon {though I fully plan on keeping my new years resolution from back in 2005 to leave the USA at least once a year} mostly because I don't have too much money or a job, and when I do get a job, that will definitely anchor me down, and also because of my family, I just don't feel like being away from them very much these days. But, travel is an essential part of my existence. My wanderlust is unquenchable, if you will. So how is this going to work out? In 2010 the Unites States had 59.3 million international tourists. 59.3 million people came to see my homeland? And I have hardly traveled it? what's wrong with me!? I haven't even been to our nation's CAPITAL! I'm realizing, I can take advantage of my time "stuck" in America, and I can stop calling it "stuck" and start seeing it as an opportunity to travel, and this era will be called "The epoch of AMERITRAVELS".

Ameritravel #1 Pacific Northwest Tour- Start date: Saturday, August 20 End date: Saturday, August 27


Ameritravels Menu: 
Santa Barbara, CA {Definitely this fall to visit my good friend Mike from arch school}
Austin, Tx {I have a free flight, and it's either taking me to Austin with Ashley...}
Washington DC {Or that free flight will take me to DC to visit Jackie}
Boston, MA {Maybe while I'm in DC I can visit Megan in Boston}
Las Vegas, NV{most likely will happen for/on/around my birthday}
Chicago, IL
Denver, CO
and Miami, FL

Not sure exactly when these are going to happen or in what order, but presuming I will have a job with a strict work schedule, these are the federal holidays I have to work with:

Monday, September 5, 2011 LABOR DAY
Monday, October 10 COLUMBUS DAY
Friday, November 11 VETERANS DAY
Thursday, November 24 THANKS GIVING DAY
Monday, December 26 CHRISTMAS DAY
Monday, January 2, 2010 NEW YEAR'S DAY
Monday, January 16 MLK JR BIRTHDAY
Monday, February 20 WASHINGTON'S BIRTHDAY
Monday, May 28 MEMORIAL DAY
Wednesday July 4 INDEPENDENCE DAY
Monday, September 3 LABOR DAY

Ready, set, go!

my dad

my dad is the most determined person i know. his emotional, mental, and physical strength are a force to be reckoned with, he might be short, but he is the most fierce human i know.  there is not a doubt in my mind that he is going to kick this unfortunate/surreal bike vs car accident in the ass and come back even more enthusiastic, and even more inlove with life than ever. watching him go through a hard time like this is so painful for me, but he is battling it, and I know that no one will give up on him, and he wont give up on us.

He has so much love, respect, and good thoughts coming from so many people from all around the community and the WORLD. he is an amazing person, and i'm so lucky that i get half my genes from him :)

i love you infinitely, dad!

numb

sometimes life can be absolutely cruel and devastating. and its surreal and numbs you.

and in the face of these hard times is when the goodness of the people around you shines through; and when you realize how important your friends and family are; and when you are humbled and greatful for every tiny thing you have.

in these times i am completely blown away by my mom's strength. she is super human. the most dedicated, and strong being i have ever seen. I can only hope to be a fraction of how gloriously wise, patient and strong she is when i am older.

The Twits

drawings hanging in the school hall.

haha so cute!

drawings by my 1st graders

we had a dance sesh one day in class

I'm reading The Twits by Roald Dahl with my 6th grade class, this is definitely my favorite thing I've done all year, mostly because pretty much all i did this year with the 6th graders was prepare them for THE EXAM [a standardized test created by Cambridge University to gauge how much English they've (not) learned]. So exam preparation was absolutely awful and painful and stressful and frustrating, and [pick whatever other bad adjectives you want and add them here]_______________.  So now, just getting to read a fun book, and discussing it is very enjoyable for me {and I'd like to think for the students as well.} We were reading the other day, and this passage describing one of the characters really resonated with me:

The funny thing is that Mrs. Twit wasn't born ugly. She'd had quite a nice face when she was young. The ugliness had grown upon her year by year as she got older. Why would that happen? I'll tell you why. If a person has ugly thoughts, it begins to show on the face. And when that person has ugly thoughts every day, every week, every year, the face gets uglier and uglier until it gets so ugly you can hardly bear to look at it.


A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and  crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.

Do you agree or disagree? I agree. I'm 24, and I've met a lot of people, my judge of character is pretty accurate, and I agree that emotions and thoughts physically manifest themselves in our bodies. And on people's faces in the eyes and around the mouths is where a person gives-away who they really are. I'm not talking about an instant's facial expression, i mean, when a person is sitting there, relaxed, not talking, probably unaware that you are looking at them, and you can read them. you can see what kind of person they are by paying attention to their eyes and mouth. anyway, i didnt launch into this detail in class, but the teacher, who is thirty something, said she also agreed with the author.{the ironic thing is, that the teacher is kind of a terse gossipy b-word and not many people at school like her, and  it shows on her face too}

when we were discussing this theme with the students, they didnt know what we were talking about. They couldn't relate, or had never experienced this phenomenon, and so they disagreed with the author. they're 12 years old...they're starting to hit that age where they're just about to exit childhood, and everything starts changing, the real character development starts happening, and they have to start dealing with more real life issues.

And, thats when I realized, that they hadn't met very many people with bad thoughts yet. why? because they mostly hang out with other children, and children aren't really able to have bad thoughts. they're still really simple, and untainted by the hardships of life, so they hold no bitterness, or resentment or bad thoughts. thats also why you never really see a truly UGLY kid...you know? i mean, even if a kid isnt so easy on the eyes, they're still pleasant. so ugly they're cute.  and even if a kid isnt aesthetically pleasing tot he eye, it still has those good thoughts that shine through the face making it lovely. an ugly kid doesn't bother you the way the ugliness of an adult might bother you, because the adults ugliness comes from those bad thoughts.

I know this SOUNDS weird. but just think about it for a while. think about the difference between people with just an unfortunate set of genes and someone who has ugliness radiating out of them.  or, have you ever become friends with someone and found that they become more beautiful physically, the better you get to know them? or the reverse? met someone who you thought looked great, and, as you got to know them, they just got uglier and uglier?

What Roald Dahl wrote about was interesting, what was even cooler, was realizing that children dont have bad thoughts in them, and thats why children are so pleasant and lovely. i'm enjoying teaching so much right now, and learning so much more than i ever thought i could from working with kids.

KEON

just remembered how to do this on photoshop and i got excited

Baby sis!

i cant wait for you to come and visit me. i'm not only excited to see you, but i'm so excited to show you EVERYTHING. the food, the streets, the parks, the places I go out, my friends.  The day you arrive CAN'T come soon enough! lovelovelove

Big sista

a remedy and nomadism

I was attacked by another mosquito last night in my sleep. I have 5 bites on my right arm alone. I dont know how people survive in the summertime here, its too hot to keep the windows closed, and the mosquitoes are too vicious to leave the windows open -and no,  they dont have window screens here. i have no idea why. which brings me to the obvious conclusion that I need to begin importing easily-operable window screens to Spain. the screens need to be easily operable because Spaniards hang laundry out the windows on lines to dry. and they DEFINITELY need them to beat the heat and mosquitoes in the summer. I am confident that this will result in me becoming a billionaire.

oh, i forgot to MENTION something AMAZING! Tea tree oil  is a mosquito bite CURE! I have the worst reactions to mosquito bites, they swell up huge, and turn red, and itch LIKE CRAZY. It's not normal, when people see them, they think it's a spider bit or something way worse than a mosquito. But today, I looked up at home remedies for mosquito bites here and there are many recommendations, I just happened to have tea tree oil, and believe in its healing powers greatly (gets rid of zits like magic!) and so I put some on all FIVE bites, and it's almost as if I never was even bit! The puffiness went down, and I don't itch at all! I'm thrilled :)

Today is Friday, and I'm continuing to pack up my things and store them in various places in Madrid (I feel like a squirrel burying nuts in the ground for safe keeping during the Winter) because I need to be out of this apartment by May 30th, and so I've decided I'm just going to pack up and store all my stuff {save, one suitcase to last me} from June 1 to September 20 when I will return to Madrid after an insane Summer of traveling around Europe, on the U.S.A's West Coast, and IRAN! Hopefully I can quickly find myself a nice apartment upon my return and collect all my belongings and have another amazing year working and living in Madrid.

But before I get too excited thinking about the summer, I still have one more month of work. I was super stressed out about a week ago because I knew that I was going to have to ask for help in June. It really bothers me when I have to be dependent on other people {excluding my immediate family}. I don't like having to ask for favors, it just makes my soul die. But, I'm so fortunate that I have such wonderful friends, who I CAN ask for favors, and in desperate times I know will be there for me. So, for the next month I'll be crashing on 3 {very kind} friends' couches around Madrid.
Let the nomadism begin...

seriously.

ROAR!

there have been a few really stressful things on my mind lately, and i refuse to let them get the better of me any longer!

i am sick and tired of them, and i am just going to make sure they turn out 

the way i want.
simple as that.
THE END

growing pains

deeeeeeefinitely feelin' 'em! ...
[metaphoricaly, not physically]

lifeline

these are the moments i treasure most: the moment where i got to share my joys and sorrows; experiences and lessons learned; hopes and concerns with the people that mean the most to me (even though we were thousands of miles apart), they are my lifeline.

chatting with daddy while ashley was visiting in spain

mommy and daddy in los gatos, shayan and ashley

haha chatting with sister in san francisco, and ashley wanted to join in

ashley back in oregon :( needing fashion advice

gorgeous! winner!

grandma video chat while she was in california visiting for eid

Mike in San Diego!

doing what she does best: dancing for me.

making megan laugh in boston

shes scared of my combover

showing off my tomatos

me with my tomatoes in the background in the oven

grandpa vid chat in california during his visit for eid

he's so cute

grandpa, his daughter, and his 2nd niece!

grandma, her (clone) daughter, and her 2nd niece

my mommy and her mommy and daddy!

3 generations of clones: parvin, taban, and keon

aaaah!! my old car sitting outside our home...nostalgia.

i like yo' sweata'

KYLE in Eugene!

juicy gossip

...ya, we live a few stops away on the metro...so?

POOOPYYYY!!!!!!!

I JUST MELTED

She's a full shep ;P

my Amy

OG room mate fer lyfe

being silly with daddy

early morning chat

persian invasion

see what i mean?

MEGAN!!!!!!!! IN PORTLAND!!

<3

OREGON LOVE

we talked for like, 4 hours.

and we watched "it's always sunny in philadelphia" like we used to
back in college

sweet dee, my favorite.

and then we played trivia games on www.sporcle.com

it was a saturday night for me. its almost unforgivable what
a nerd i was yetserday

hahahah she was trying really hard to think of a trivia answer